


Mail Call

by IShouldBeWriting



Category: American Folklore, Black Mailbox (Urban Legend), Urban Legends - Fandom
Genre: Black Mailbox, FedEx, Gen, Jokes & Punchlines, Oh crap I'm going to have to wrangle this mess aren't I?, Sorry Not Sorry, This is all Aoife's fault, Urban Legends, With Apologies To The Wranglers, crackfic, ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 10:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2464370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShouldBeWriting/pseuds/IShouldBeWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I blame this fic squarely on the combination of wrangling American Folklore, Aoife, my job, and the number of construction projects going on in the vicinity of a certain well known ivy league university in Cambridge, MA causing me no end of annoyance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mail Call

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aoife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoife/gifts), [wildforce71](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforce71/gifts), [SailorSol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorSol/gifts), [LoveChilde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveChilde/gifts).



> Yes, this is completely intended to be a send up of the [Black Mailbox](http://wikimapia.org/68004/the-Black-Mailbox) legend.

June 3rd, 2014

Stupid boss. Stupider vendors. Couldn’t they just have asked us which mail carrier we wanted these damned movies shipped with? For that matter, why couldn’t the damned postal vendors stop having territorial pissing matches with each other? It’d be so much easier if we didn’t have to negotiate contracts separately with each of them just to get them to pick up a pre-paid package from our mailroom. It’s a mailroom, for crying out loud! It’s like a mailbox; you should just be able to put the package inside and have it go.

 

_Stomp stomp stomp. Stop shifts the package with its bright stripe of purple and orange down one side to the other hand so I can wipe the sweat off the back of my neck. Continue stomping to the next location listed on the map where this vendor supposedly has a drop box._

 

I’m going to be late and it’s all the fault of these stupid renovations and the postal vendors moving their damned boxes without updating their websites.

 

 

June 10th, 2014

Okay really? I KNOW there was a box here! I used this damned box just last week. Why the hell have they moved it this time? (More importantly, WHERE the hell did they move it? I’m getting sick of each week being a snipe hunt to find the mythic mailbox.)

 

_Look down angrily at the discarded paper strip and 4 discolored squares on the floor clearly marking the location where the drop box stood the week before. Pull out phone and bring up the postal vendor’s far-too-cheerful website with its slanted purple and orange logo header. Search for the listing of where their next drop box is supposed to be. Stomp stomp stomp._

 

 

 

June 17th, 2014

_Stomp stomp stomp. Stop to pull off a shoe, knock the gravel from the street repair out of it, and curse myself for having not worn more comfortable shoes for walking._

Damn this one’s far away. I thought the website said a mile? If I’d known it was going to be past the train station I’d have at least done the first mile of the trip via train. It’s summer. It’s too damned hot to be hauling my ass all this way when I don’t even know whether there’s going to be something there when I arrive.

 

At least this time they managed to take the listing for the previous drop box location off their web page! At least this time I knew enough to check the website BEFORE heading out. At least this time, I’m looking for an actual storefront, not just a drop box. Maybe this time the damned thing will still be there in a week’s time?

 

Maybe I’ll stop for some frozen yogurt on my way back?

 

 

June 25th, 2014

Okay okay, it’s not funny any more! Yeah, this time the damned store stayed put but closed, really, in the middle of a random weekday?!?! Come on!

 

_Stomp stomp stomp. Give up and sit down for a moment to take off the impractical heels before continuing._

That’s it. Next week I’m going to send the damned movie back via the vendor who picks up from our mailroom. I don’t CARE that the vendor has their own preferences as to which postal carrier their disks get shipped through. I have preferences too; namely a strong preference for finding the fucking drop box not requiring a 4 mile fucking hike every week. My boss should be charging the vendor overtime for the amount of my day this stupid task is taking up. Hell, I should be getting paid overtime for it.

 

Wonder if I can convince my boss to charge them a nuisance fee?

 

 

July 7th, 2014

At least I didn’t even bother trying to take the damned movies to the storefront before the holiday. At least I called ahead so I knew they were closed for the long weekend. At least my boss hasn’t threatened to fire me for this idiocy. At least he knows I’m not lying about the other boxes having disappeared.

 

_Stomp stomp stomp up the stairs from the train station. Stomp stomp stomp down the street to the postal vendor’s delivery hub. Stomp stomp stomp up to the desk to hand over the package. Stomp stomp stomp back towards the train._

At least this is the last movie they’re running this summer?

February 13th, 2015

Ohhhhh nonononononono. You did NOT just ask me to do this again. I KNOW it’s a different postal vendor. (Ooooooo this time the logo and the trucks are BROWN. At least they’re honest about the color of the shit they’re shoveling?) I KNOW that it’s the dead of winter and they’ve stopped the renovations so the drop boxes shouldn’t be moving any more. I KNOW that you’ve promised this time we’ll rotate who has to take these fucking packages to the drop box each week.

 

I don’t CARE!

 

That’s it. I quit.

 

Think I’ll take a break before I go looking for my next job. Think I’ll take a long drive cross-country. Go somewhere WARM for the rest of the winter.

 

Maybe New Mexico? I’ve heard it’s lovely this time of year.


End file.
